Out of the mouth of babes

I didn't get my night away by myself the last weekend. It's all good, we went to the neighbours, the kids got to play til their hearts content, and I got to drink wine.

With no encouragement from me, or my other motherly neighbour, apparently we are all going to the Lake Mountain snow fields at the end of the school holidays. Four adults and five kids.

Men are their own worst enemies. A few wines and the inevitable scotch and their holiday is organised, bar the women's perspective bit, of all the fucking organisation.

I am actually looking forward to it. The last time we went to Lake Mountain, I was on the  cusp of an depression/anxiety diagnosis that Brett did not embrace. It was hard. Apparently crying half an hour into the trip, after the stress of organising all the shit for the trip on my own, was "ruining the whole fucking holiday". Yes, the man in life has less tact than a fucking grenade.

I am so ready for this shit, I am ecstatic.  I'm in a totally different frame of mind. I am going to ace this. And with my amazing mother of three under six neighbour in the cabin next door, I am going to feel so at home. The kid are going to have a ball, and me, well I am going to be having so much fun too.

We have a busy as shit school holidays, with Izzy competing in her first WAG gymnastic championship, in Adelaide, and then now, going to the snow in the second half of the holidays. 

What a ride. 

I'll be hanging on.

What is more exciting, is the Wattle Range Photography competition coming up this Friday night. I have been so looking forward to it, especially now since it was postponed a week. I have thirteen photos entered, and Izzy two. I'll be taking Izzy along with me for the opening of the exhibition. 

One of Izzys, showing people in the Wattle Range council area

I may have one too many photos featuring Summer in the exhibition, which is totes understandable. I don't have too many subjects to photograph besides my own family.

It doesn't matter whether I win anything at all. My mantra for this year was 'be brave'. This is the first year for me entering photos. I am being bold and brave, and having a go. At least, I am getting my photography out there. 

Some of the other photos, are photos of our local area, and this is what I am most excited to share with the wider world. 

Any hoo, back to gorgeous Summer. I asked her some questions via recent Facebook posts I had seen other parents post.

Here are her answers.

What is your name?  Summer
How old are you? four
When is your birthday? Junior (it's so November)
How old is  Daddy? 21, (gag, younger than my eldest son) her dad is 48.
How old is Mummy? 24 (Oh how I wish)
What is your favourite colour? Orange (such a cool colour and has been her favourite colour a long time)
What is your favourite food? Apple
Who is your best friend? Renae
What is your favourite song? Let it go
What is your favourite animal? Dolphin. News to me.
What are you scared of? Lions
What makes you happy? Funny stuff. She likes to watch funny stuff on YouTube. She has the best laugh too and a wicked sense of humour. 
Where is your favourite place to go? Swimming pool.
What do you want to be when you grow up? Shop keeper at Woolies. A couple of weeks ago this was a clothes shop. Now she has her sights set on Woolworths. 
What is Mummy's favourite thing to do? Cooking
What is Daddys favourite thing to do? Work 

An InLinkz Link-up

Full circle

This past week or two I feel as if I am at a place, where everything is good. It's never going to be 100%, but better than a place I was a year ago.

Just over a year ago, I was spilling my unstable guts at the doctors, in a fit of tears and mental anguish. As a result I've been on Mirtazapine, a drug for depression and anxiety. It's had its first birthday, and I am ready to begin weaning myself of the drugs. Quite frankly I am sick of being fat. One of the downfalls, is that the drug slows metabolism, and the cruel side effect, ironically,  is wanting to eat more!

The last month, I have been on a health kick, I've been eating so much better and am walking at least four nights a week.

I've been cooking dinner earlier, and then getting out on my own going for walks, while Brett deals with the girls. It's been just what I needed. I am feeling so much better for it, along with the healthy eating.

I have felt like it was selfish, but it's not. I need to make time for me. To do something for me.

Last Thursday was a pupil free day and Friday a school closure, for the Adelaide Show of all things. We live 430 kms form Adelaide, Riddick! Isabel joined us for playgroup at her old kindy on Friday.

I started this year with the mantra 'No guilt'. I make sure to keep telling myself that, for I do not need to feel guilty for doing things for me.

I keep this in mind as I pound the pavement. I do wonder though, if anyone else counts steps as they walk! I subconsciously count steps as I walk. It's weird. I do a lot of thinking when I am walking, probably too much.

I am hoping that walking at dusk, the magpies are going to sleep. I am so not looking forward to the magpies swooping. That would suck.

I can barely keep my eyes open as I type. The past couple of nights I have stayed up way too late watching Julia Roberts movies. Both of which have made me cry at the end. Which probably has more to do with the wine, than anything else, but they both had sad and emotional endings! I am yet again staying up way too late watching movies again. 

I've given myself a break on the weekends mostly, and have not walked, but drunk wine.
I have put off writing my Monday #openslather post. As usual I leave it to the last minute, mostly done the night before (so I wrote this last night!).

We spent a great father's day shopping at Bunnings, the girls crafted and had face paintings. We bought a new BBQ. We hit Kmart. Brett bought a new bike, and the girls got some new clothes. I am just happy with the new BBQ :)

How have you been feeling lately?
Do you count your steps while you walk? I am quite proud of being a weirdo ;)

An InLinkz Link-up

Create new post - the week just gone

So I have these three words staring at me, I don't know what to say.

I have so much to say, but the words don't seem to flow.

We've been away. We took the caravan, which after three days seemed to shrink. It was cold. We stayed at the Marysville caravan park. It has the most gorgeous stream running through it. 

We spent a day up at the mountain, Lake Mountain, tobogganing. It was fun, but exhausting. Lots of walking uphill. The drive up through the hills was so picturesque and at times breathtaking.

We built a snowman. The girls had a great time. Brett couldn't help himself but add the boy bits to the snowman. Such a man thing.

I took photos, which are on my laptop. I will hopefully share them on wednesday when the laptop comes back from the fix it shop. It died the day we got back. I feel like my right arm is missing!

I had lots of time to think, sitting in a car for two days, which also seemed to shrink. I let things that happened yesterday, last week and even ten years ago seep into my present thoughts where they compound and fester. I need to leave them in my yesterdays and move on. Forget them. Don't let them ruin my today. 

I do lots of deep breathing to keep myself calm and centred. Sometimes it doesn't work and I find myself crying and stressing over nothing, and the next minute I am fine. This is happening much less. 

Onward and upward

An InLinkz Link-up

A date with a jetty.

My place in time #17 - Somewhere I used to visit as a kid

I knew early last week that I needed a day out on my own. I told Brett that Sunday I would be going out for the day, he would have to look after the girls. I've wanted to go fishing for ages, it's a bit hard to take the girls out on the jetty. Let's just say I wouldn't get much fishing done.

I didn't leave the house until almost half past ten, dropped into Mum's and borrowed her tackle box, because Bretts' was a shambles, and headed to Southend.

I grew up fishing here, with my family. We spent many a school holiday on the beach, on the jetty.

Gran used to be a gun fisher, well known as one too. Her and my Grandpa lived here.  Grandpa has been gone for just over 25 years, Gran still lives in Southend, but hasn't been out on the jetty for years. She prefers to perch on a pokie chair these days, much easier to get to with her wheelie walker. I fear her days of driving safely are numbered, she will most likely be moving into the old folks home in town soon.

I remember one night, under the lights in the bend of the jetty, we all went fishing. We caught a heap, hundreds of fish. Mum and I stayed up in the early hours of the morning, after the others had gradually gone to bed; scaling, filleting and bagging up fish for the freezer. I'd love to go fishing under the lights again, maybe when the nights aren't so freezing cold. I'd say that's a date to keep with myself.

Sunday turned out not the day, to catch fish. I had a few bites, but in the three hours I was there, I caught nothing but seaweed. I did take some photos though. 

I was smugly pleased when I arrived home to find Brett had been forced to dry reach his way through a shitty nappy. 

I was not so happy about having to come home to catch up on a day of washing. I even had a sook, because I felt like I had wasted my time going out, caught nothing and still had to come home and hang out washing, fill the clothes horse and fold dry washing, cook tea.. yada yada. I remember telling myself to not be so stupid, to be glad I got out in the first place. It didn't matter about the things I didn't get done.

Things I know - It's been a week since I went to the doctor for help with depression. Six nights, I've had a pill before going to bed. I can only just the last couple of days feel that things are changing, slowly. Still aways to go. I have an appointment with a mental health nurse in a couple of weeks, I am actually looking forward to it. 

Do you love fishing?
Where did you spend your school holidays as a kid?
Do you fond memories about a place you visited as a kid?

Where I go to relax

My place in time #10

This is where I go to relax, to think, to revive. It's here that all my tensions are pulled from my body by the thundering sea. Where the fresh sea air cleanses my thoughts.

It's where I go when something big has happened, and I need some time for my brain to process it.

When I was nearing the end of my pregnancy with Jake, which I was told off for. I didn't tell anyone I was going and I was far too preggers to be walking sandhills alone. I shrugged it off. I think it was the week before I was mowing  the lawn, what could a walk on the beach do? This was the days before mobile phones, ones that would fit in your back pocket anyway.

I came here and walked alone when I found out I was preggers with Izzy, and just the past weekend, on Saturday. Brett took the girls out and I needed to go to my place by the sea, on my own. 

Friday I fronted at the doctors clinic. I have depression. I've known it for a while but let it slide. It wasn't getting better, wasn't going away, so I am now in the process of healing myself. I will be OK. Like the Pantene ad, it won't happen overnight, but it will happen.

These are the photos I took while I was there, I was happy taking photos, being with myself. A good thing, considering I had a blubber on the way because I forgot my jacket. Silly. I didn't need it anyway.