The pit falls of fake nails #openslather

I bought some fake nails on sale from our local nails and beauty place, I had some leftover from a voucher I received for my last birthday. I set myself up in the lounge after the kids were asleep, painted my toe nails and started filing my finger nails ready for the fakeys. I matched up and lay them out ready, there was no glue! 

I searched high and low for some glue left over from the previous supermarket jobs I'd used, but couldn't find any. I went to bed feeling a little deflated and a little pissed off, the one time I sit down to do something to make myself feel good, time on my own to do something for me, and it wasn't happening.

I texted my sister in the morning to see if she has any, she did. I let myself in her house, retrieved the glue, replaced the front door key in it's hiding spot and scooted off home to stick on my new claws.

Claws is the word for them, they are longer than the ones I usually use, something that seemed to be oblivious to me just looking at them in the packet. These longer improvements on my natural piss poor excuses for nails instantly became something that was going to take some getting use to. 

Texting. You can't use them to select on a touch screen phone. So I think there may have been some face twisting and total concentration tongue action going on trying to get my finger just right to hit the right letter. It was more like total frustration having to try then push the backspace without pushing 'send' by mistake. The same for eftpos purchases at the supermarket(more like the bottlo)and looking like a total douche(with kickarse nails) after selecting chequing account instead of spendings savings.

Unlocking the child car seat restraint almost had me in fits of laughter and slight panic; after realising I had to use my finger joint push the red button to release the seat belts. I almost asked Izzy to undo it for me... pathetica. But funny as.

Try pushing that release button with this baby...good luck sister!

Changing nappies became a freddie krueger esque mission in reverse, trying not to rip my childs butt into shreds. Not to mention trying to wipe myself. That is after trying to unbutton jeans and deal with a zipper with nails that could penetrate toilet paper at twenty paces! 

Speaking of change. Try undoing a purse zip and then trying to retrieving small change without looking like a totally awkward dick wad. Also I do not recommend trying to change your earrings, especially fiddly studs, do this all before applying the nails, a little foresight goes a long way.

Know anybody that uses keys (while in mid conversation)to clean their ear wax? My dad has a friend that used to(probably still does) do that. It's quite achievable at the moment with my pinky. A word of warning and most definitely too much information, don't go for the pinky nose pick, you might just pierce your brains. If I was a coke snorter I'd be laughing.

As much as they have been a bit of a pain in the arsenal, one does feel just a bit spesh with nice nail couture as fake as they may be.