Monday, September 7, 2015

Full circle

This past week or two I feel as if I am at a place, where everything is good. It's never going to be 100%, but better than a place I was a year ago.

Just over a year ago, I was spilling my unstable guts at the doctors, in a fit of tears and mental anguish. As a result I've been on Mirtazapine, a drug for depression and anxiety. It's had its first birthday, and I am ready to begin weaning myself of the drugs. Quite frankly I am sick of being fat. One of the downfalls, is that the drug slows metabolism, and the cruel side effect, ironically,  is wanting to eat more!

The last month, I have been on a health kick, I've been eating so much better and am walking at least four nights a week.

I've been cooking dinner earlier, and then getting out on my own going for walks, while Brett deals with the girls. It's been just what I needed. I am feeling so much better for it, along with the healthy eating.

I have felt like it was selfish, but it's not. I need to make time for me. To do something for me.
Last Thursday was a pupil free day and Friday a school closure, for the Adelaide Show of all things. We live 430 kms form Adelaide, Riddick! Isabel joined us for playgroup at her old kindy on Friday.



I started this year with the mantra 'No guilt'. I make sure to keep telling myself that, for I do not need to feel guilty for doing things for me.

I keep this in mind as I pound the pavement. I do wonder though, if anyone else counts steps as they walk! I subconsciously count steps as I walk. It's weird. I do a lot of thinking when I am walking, probably too much.

I am hoping that walking at dusk, the magpies are going to sleep. I am so not looking forward to the magpies swooping. That would suck.

I can barely keep my eyes open as I type. The past couple of nights I have stayed up way too late watching Julia Roberts movies. Both of which have made me cry at the end. Which probably has more to do with the wine, than anything else, but they both had sad and emotional endings! I am yet again staying up way too late watching movies again. 

I've given myself a break on the weekends mostly, and have not walked, but drunk wine.
I have put off writing my Monday #openslather post. As usual I leave it to the last minute, mostly done the night before (so I wrote this last night!).



We spent a great father's day shopping at Bunnings, the girls crafted and had face paintings. We bought a new BBQ. We hit Kmart. Brett bought a new bike, and the girls got some new clothes. I am just happy with the new BBQ :)

How have you been feeling lately?
Do you count your steps while you walk? I am quite proud of being a weirdo ;)




26 comments:

  1. You are definitely not a weirdo!!
    I count steps as I walk, talk to myself, think crazy thoughts; it's normal - I think.
    So glad you are getting the "me time" you need and deserve!!

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    1. I've even walked in the drizzling rain with a beanie and hoodie on. I think I need to buy an exercise machine for bad days, or go to the gym. I have never been a gym person, but have considered going to use a treadmill.

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  2. I've been sick for a couple of weeks and haven't walked. I'm looking forward to getting out this morning and going slowly, but I'm usually too busy chatting to count steps (although I've been known to do it in the quiet moments)

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    1. I noticed I didn't count one step tonight. I need to get some music on my phone, and get out the headphones I think.

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  3. Get yourself a pedometer and then you've no need to mentally count (or feel inclined to!). I love that you're taking the time to reconnect with yourself. Never feel guilty for devoting time to you as a Mum. It's my golden rule for surviving motherhood and doing it okay. Happy mummy, happy family. X

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    1. I have really let myself know this year, to not feel guilty about me time. It is needed for some sanity!

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  4. Good for you! I need to up the exercise...It's good to have abreak from writing (and screens/phones) - you recharge.

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    1. I have felt so much fitter the past few weeks, I have really been looking after me :)

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  5. I had a bout of anxiety and depression a few years ago and needed medication. I was worried it would always come back once I stopped the medicine, but luckily I have been ok. Hugs to you :)

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  6. I'm glad to hear you're feeling better and well enough to start weaning off the medication! Never feel guilty about looking after yourself! Your family needs you feeling your best, you are actually doing them a huge favour by looking after yourself!

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  7. Yep it is so important that us mothers take time for ourselves. Glad you are realising it much earlier into your mothering journey than I did. Sending lots of fairy wishes and butterfly kisses your way lovely lady

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    1. Thanks Rhianna, your fairy wishes and butterfly kisses are always appreciated xx

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  8. Oh my goodness Alicia! This morning I wrote this coming Sunday's blog post on my yearly mantra... revisiting this... and now I read you've done the same... must be something in the ether!!! It is wonderful to recognise you're in a better place than 1 year ago. Blessings ♥

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  9. I'm glad that you're starting to feel better and ready to wean off meds. Walking and exercise really are the best anti-depressants. I don' count steps, I probably should. You're supposed to get so many a day, although I forget what the figure is.

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    1. The walking has been so good for me. I walked a little further tonight than last week too, I wasn't ready to head home! lol

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  10. I totally count my steps when I walk, I thought I was the only weirdo who does that. I have to say I've noticed my body has changed shape for the better since I came off Zoloft. Also you reminded me I need to watch Mona Lisa Smile, I was watching it the other night but couldn't stay up until 1am to see the ending so promised myself I'll watch it again later.

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  11. Good on you for giving yourself a break and looking after yourself. Wishing you lived near me, I could do with a walking buddy.

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  12. We all need a break as it is the only way to stay sane (well maybe thats just me but I can turn crazy like kids) . Exercising for me is one of the only ways I keep the happy hormones running through my body

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    1. Well it's certainly helped me lately. I get bummed if I can't go. I even walked in the drizzle a couple of nights ago!

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  13. It sounds like your evening walk is just what you need, don't feel one bit guilty. Maybe you'll have to pull out the maggie tricks like eyes on the back of your hat or maybe a helmet with eyes everywhere and straws sticking out everywhere as well. Hopefully dusk means they won't bother you.

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    1. I am hoping that helps by walking at dusk. Hopefully when daylight savings starts in a month they have stopped swooping, fingers crossed.

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  14. It's one of those cruel PMS days here and I've just dropped my sister off at the train and I'm so sad she's gone. She was SUCH a big help for me and now it's back to doing ALL the things. She also couldn't believe how much I do, with 3 grizzly kids in tow. It was nice to be validated on that front. So stoked you're making time for yourself, I think I need to do this more, just get outside. But then again there's a little thing called work that I can't not do, especially if we want to get ahead. Thanks for letting me vent. I haven't blogged since my op as haven't been in the zone, think I need to!! Big love and light to you my friend xxx

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    1. Big hugs Em. It is always uplifting to be validated. We all work so hard as mums, with not much thanks. Look after you xx You are amazing.

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  15. Good on you for getting out there - any time you can get the blood pumping is good for your mental health. =)

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