F words for February

Another month down on the 2019 calendar. Is the world spinning too fast for anyone else?

February was a bit shit. I am still there actually, when did March begin?

It started out quite well. School had gone back and the first weekend of February brought the annual Rendelsham village market,  which is always a pleasure. 

But that's when it kind of fell apart.

The sudden death of a friend. Well an old acquaintance that I should have made more of an effort with, still a shock, the same. I had been thinking for the longest time to catch up, but never did, just a wave here and there. It has cemented in me that I need to act on instinct, not to put off anything, because there is no time like the present.

My son Jake also took a slide backwards with his mental health this month, he's still in hospital, but he'll be ok. 

There's been a lot of my energy being zapped by so many lately and I haven't really been recharging myself. I did start to walk again, I did so for two weeks straight, and now in dribs and drabs, but I realise it's an important part of being well. 

I am also aware that when I am stressed and low on energy, I tend to try to ignore the world and retreat into myself. I know this isn't a good thing, and I guess that's why I have become so quiet. I need to force myself to share, to talk, to socialise, even when I feel like hiding in my shell.

I become not so good at caring for others. Everything seems too hard to deal with, but I do it and suffer later. Knowing this is happening and being aware of it, is an important start to solving the problem. 

I started the year out doing the Fat Mum Slim photo a day challenge, I even gave up that. I'd had a couple of people say how they'd enjoyed seeing my photos, so I should have found that encouraging, and I did, but it seemed like it became a little bit too hard. But I have started March afresh.

This brings me to a little announcement.

Lately I have purely sucked at being a link up host. Sucked I tell you. I am not ready to give it up though.

I like blogging, and I like all of you. So I have decided to change the day I do things and see how it goes. There is no Open Slather today and from now on there won't be another on a Monday. From now on, and I am referencing the Easybeats here, so bob your head from side to side, just like Stevie Wright, and sing along..."Monday, I'll have Friday on my mind".

Open Slather will now come to you on a Friday and will stay open for linking over the weekend. So please return on Friday and join me. I promise I will be here and sharing....something, no matter how small and non share worthy I may think it is. I will be here.


I am sharing over at Denyse Whelen's blog, who has a fab Monday link up where you can go to join in the linking fun on a Monday.

Important #fmy52weeksofmemories

I've been needing to get away from the house AND kids for some time for myself. It's has been obvious to me that I need to. It hasn't happened and is something I am going to have to organise, because I have been a total crabby McStabby and well because MENTAL HEALTH.

My quick getaway for the day is usually fishing. I think I'll be needing more than a day away though.

Over the weekend we all went fishing. Fishing with kids is far from calming, although I was happy to have all my kids along for the ride this day. We had heaps of bites, but didn't catch a thing. We tried at the drain and then at the jetty, where all I got was snagged, twice, and lost all my hooks and a sinker.

Even though we didn't catch anything, I was in my happy place. I spent a lot of time here when I was a kid. By the beach and fishing, the seaside really is one of my good for the soul places.

Everyone was happy and together, that is just a important to me as having some time out for myself.

Mental health wards and christmas pageants

Hearing a nurse tell a copper you're son is psychotic, is hard. Almost a week ago he was admitted to the mental health ward in Mount Gambier. Drugs and alcohol.

It's been an emotional week. Nothing compared to what my parents have been putting up with, him living in their shed and all.

He was let out on Saturday overnight, and stayed at our place. He was OK. Quiet and calm. Like his old self. It's going to be a hard, long road to get him back on track. I am scared. Although I am scared, this is the time for me to step up, to help him, to ask for help. To find help.

We returned him to hospital yesterday, as per the order he is under.

The big task is to find things, when he is discharged to keep him busy. To build his confidence, and find his motivation for life again, with out the use of drugs.

I was a drug user up until I was twenty nine. A pot smoker, never anything else, which I suspect isn't the case with him. He isn't telling me and because he is an adult, they doctor can't tell me either, the results from those first blood tests in emergency.

I regret the money I gave to drug dealers. I regret associating with the people I did. I'd like to banish all the drug dealers from town, tell them they are not welcome and to fuck off somewhere else. Like Bali, but I hear they aren't killing them anymore.

Besides all that, while we were in the Mount on Saturday, we took the girls to see the 56th annual Christmas pageant in the Mount.

To follow our family tradition, we put the Christmas tree up in the afternoon, after the pageant. The girls loved that their brother helped, and Summer hasn't stopped telling everyone that he put the star at the very top of the tree. She hasn't stopped exclaiming how pretty and so beautiful the tree is.

 

An InLinkz Link-up