I had a doctors appointment last week. I hate going to the doctors. I will confess I have been an extremely naughty lady healthwise, in that it's been 10 years since my last pap smear.
With being preggers or just totally avoiding that dreaded cervix scrape, it's been too long.
I feel ashamed that I'd tried to avoid it like the plague, which is crazy, because the alternative is much worse than the plague. It's cancer. If not caught early, it means death. Kaput. Goodbye all the people I love. I have been such an idiot.
I turned up just wanting to get it over and done with and to just get out of there. Just my luck it didn't turn out that way. Murphys law and all.
The doctor was a man, and young man. I had no problems with that. After three kids, I have no reservations about medical professionals poking about my nether regions. The doctor that the appointment was originally booked with, wasn't available and was changed a few days before. He seemed quite surprised and wasn't expecting me to say I was there for a pap smear. A deer in the headlights would be my analogy.
Anyhoo, what I thought would be over and done with quickly, wasn't. It seems that my cervix decided to become hard to find. As far as I was concerned, it was there last time I needed it.
The last time I had a smear, the contraption was metal. This time it was plastic, and see through, the doctor had a 360 view of my fanwa, but couldn't find the cervix to save his life. I could feel his flusteredness, as he went back in for the third time to seek out my elusive cervix. I was a bit over it and just wanted it done, so I could get dressed and leave with some dignity intact. I could sense he felt the same!
If I knew it was going to be such a big production, I would have made more of an effort to landscape the old growth forest. I just assumed it would be over in no time and the blanket of modesty would see me through. I was left wondering, beside being a tad cold, what the point of the blanket was?
The moment it turned into a comedy was when the chaperone nurse adjusted that table and remarked, "Just like being at the dentist". My quick wit kicked in and I replied, "Well if I was a the dentist, there wouldn't be any problems finding my teeth!".
It turned an uncomfortable situation, into more of a light hearted one.
The young doctor commented that he really shouldn't be laughing. I thought there's no point in seriousness or airs and graces, when you've got your legs spread wide open, showing a doctor what you had for breakfast!
Turns out the pap pillow was useless and was a hindrance to finding my cervix. The pillow is a new invention, to replace the patient having to put her fists below her hips. Apparently some women feel like it is a restraint. The doc also said that after 2017, you only need to have one every 5 years. I read once that you should have them every year, but the government would only subsidise it every two years. I have to wonder if this new time line is government cost cutting or better pap smear testing.
When was the last time you had a pap smear?
Please don't be a fool like me and leave it so long between smears. I have to say, that if you are dreading it, it couldn't be any worse than my last visit!