Monday, March 9, 2015

Sometimes you just have to laugh.

I had a doctors appointment last week. I hate going to the doctors. I will confess I have been an extremely naughty lady healthwise, in that it's been 10 years since my last pap smear.

With being preggers or just totally avoiding that dreaded cervix scrape, it's been too long.

I feel ashamed that I'd tried to avoid it like the plague, which is crazy, because the alternative is much worse than the plague. It's cancer. If not caught early, it means death. Kaput. Goodbye all the people I love. I have been such an idiot.

I turned up just wanting to get it over and done with and to just get out of there. Just my luck it didn't turn out that way. Murphys law and all.

The doctor was a man, and young man. I had no problems with that. After three kids, I have no reservations about medical professionals poking about my nether regions. The doctor that the appointment was originally booked with, wasn't available and was changed a few days before. He seemed quite surprised and wasn't expecting me to say I was there for a pap smear. A deer in the headlights would be my analogy.

Anyhoo, what I thought would be over and done with quickly, wasn't. It seems that my cervix decided to become hard to find. As far as I was concerned, it was there last time I needed it.

The last time I had a smear, the contraption was metal. This time it was plastic, and see through, the doctor had a 360 view of my fanwa, but couldn't find the cervix to save his life. I could feel his flusteredness, as he went back in for the third time to seek out my elusive cervix. I was a bit over it and just wanted it done, so I could get dressed and leave with some dignity intact. I could sense he felt the same!

If I knew it was going to be such a big production, I would have made more of an effort to landscape the old growth forest. I just assumed it would be over in no time and the blanket of modesty would see me through. I was left wondering, beside being a tad cold, what the point of the blanket was?

The moment it turned into a comedy was when the chaperone nurse adjusted that table and remarked, "Just like being at the dentist". My quick wit kicked in and I replied, "Well if I was a the dentist, there wouldn't be any problems finding my teeth!".

It turned an uncomfortable situation, into more of a light hearted one. The young doctor commented that he really shouldn't be laughing. I thought there's no point in seriousness or airs and graces, when you've got your legs spread wide open, showing a doctor what you had for breakfast!

Turns out the pap pillow was useless and was a hindrance to finding my cervix. The pillow is a new invention, to replace the patient having to put her fists below her hips. Apparently some women feel like it is a restraint. The doc also said that after 2017, you only need to have one every 5 years. I read once that you should have them every year, but the government would only subsidise it every two years. I have to wonder if this new time line is government cost cutting or better pap smear testing.

When was the last time you had a pap smear?

Please don't be a fool like me and leave it so long between smears. I have to say, that if you are dreading it, it couldn't be any worse than my last visit!



21 comments:

  1. WHAT??? I hate it (and I still don't get that with all the advances in medical science they haven't worked out a better way to do it.) but I go as soon as I get the letter. I don't want to be the person who dies because I never got it checked out (on any medical condition - I constantly get new moles checked) So I'm every 2 years on the dot....

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  2. Lol Alicia! Actually it has been ages! Thanks for the reminder - and the anxiety!
    I know a few people who had stage two cervical changes and one had her cervix removed altogether. She had not had children and they had wanted to do a full hysterectomy. I haven't seen her in years and wonder if she ever became a Mum.

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  3. OMG - what a nightmare! Glad you found the humour in it all! lol I had my last one some time within the last six to twelve months. Can you believe though that I had to go back and have it done again because there was an inconclusive result on the first attempt! My relief at having ticked a PAP smear off my 'to do' list for a while was short-lived!

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    1. I am just hoping it is all clear and I don't have to go back! Not for a couple of years anyway!

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  4. I hate getting pap smears done but I do them every couple of years anyway. Figured it's less painful than cancer. It is the one of the most uncomfortable things though! I can't believe you had so much trouble...I was cringing as I read it and could totally empathise with the discomfort.

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    1. That will teach me for leaving it so long. I should have known I wasn't going to get out of it easily.

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  6. Haha... Oh I hate getting a Pap smear!! I have exactly 6mths till I will have to go (being my last baby was 18mths ago). It really is the most uncomfortable thing, I always cringe when I have to go. But I do try and go every 2 years like they say, coz when that doc comes back and tells you 'there is an issue and you have to see a specialist' thats scary to hear....

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    1. That would be scary to hear. I have been such an idiot, and should have had one earlier. It would be much better to find out in the early stages, than too late.

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  7. Oh, dear! Too funny!
    I should have had one last year but...oops! Last time I went, there was a male student doctor in with the lady doctor but they are there to learn so I let him stay. He tried to take my blood pressure and had the cuff around the wrong way, oopsy!
    I just did a bowel cancer test recently (government free) and got a clear result so must get along to the docs for a pap smear. I haaaate going to the doctors and am rarely ever ill.

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    1. Oh I have been thinking about doing a bowel cancer test for ages.

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  8. Ooh you poor thing! I must say i am very strict with having mine done every 2 years. But every 5 WOW that sounds a lot better to me! As long as it is perfectly safe, hmm yes it does make you wonder if it is the governement trying to cut costs??

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  9. That sounds horrendous. You poor thing. I actually can't remember when I last had one. It might have been after my last child... 21 months ago. With baby brain I can't remember. I should probably have one just to be sure. Jx

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    1. They should send you a letter to remind you. I just discarded the letter and let it slide. Naughty me.

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  10. That will put you off for another 10 years. I am really good with mine and do them every 2 years.

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    1. Good for you. Better to be safe than sorry.

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  11. Hahahahaha! After a crazy day and a sick child this gave me a good old laugh! Thank you! Love your response! I have to say I too have tried to avoid them as well but you are right the alternative is much worse and I should get onto it - as long as they can find my cervix!!! Thanks for the laugh and the reminder

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  12. Thank goodness for your quick wit. How awkward :)

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  13. oh I must confess that I am a little overdue (only by a couple of months though, not 8 years!)... I was a little naughty and last time I went to the doc I thought she would ask and when she didn't, I didn't say...

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  14. Thank goodness for your quick wit and for making an uncomfortable situation more bearable. The poor doctor, I wonder if it was his first pap smear!? I hate pap smears, especially when used the metal spreader contraptions...sooo cold.

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